Married… Buried: Let Go The Ones You Love
by Jaden
Oh, you lovely romantics, I’m not talking about marriage in the spousal coital sense of marriage (though some of my points apply), I am talking about marriage in the creative writing sense of betrothing your ideas.
When a person first starts writing, they think every thought is precious and should go untouched. It is a common problem.
Marrying unfitting ideas is shoveling dirt on your characters’ graves. Let your characters breath. Be open to change.
The sooner you let go your first ideas, the sooner you will break ground to better ideas.
One time, I went to a panel discussion with the writers and voices of The Simpsons, a television show that I respect more than any other for its unending exploration of ideas and mastery of comedy. As I have witnessed with successful projects, the writers were a glowing, happy, excited bunch of people, even after ten years of working together.
The best advice I received from The Simpsons team was that of being able to let go of ideas, even the ones you love. If not every one of the twenty writers in the room is on the floor laughing, the joke does not make it to screen.
Here, you have a room full of writers throwing out joke after joke, each time being met with rejection. Each joke has to be focused on the main story of the episode, in line with the overall theme of the show, and truthful to the characters.
Maybe one guy has lots of good jokes and another guy only interjects one fantastic joke every so often. Each writer has their own strengths and weaknesses. Not every joke put on the table will be accepted. Quite the opposite, everyone has to agree for the joke to survive.
When you are writing alone, there is no one to disagree with you. If you are in doubt about something you have written, that means it is probably really bad, so cut it. As hard as you think you are on yourself, Hollywood will be much harder.
It is irrational to think every thought you have is ingenious. No professional writer thinks this way. All professional writers cut massive amounts of ideas and wording.
Anyone scared to edit will not write an interesting sellable script.
Your first ideas are going to be common and unoriginal. Don’t marry your ideas. Don’t marry your script. Be open to change. Explore every possibility until you have found exciting and unique ideas.
You will know when your story and characters really click, they will take on a magical life of their own. Don’t tell your characters what to say, let them tell you.
When creative writing, escape your ego. Let your mind travel to a strange preternatural place. You might feel a little crazy, but therein lies enchantment.
Liberate yourself from inharmonious ideas to allow your story and characters to flow freely.
The Agent Trap
by Jaden
Agents and lawyers have a bad rap for being megalomaniacs.
Just like in any group, the few extremists give the rest a bad name.
I have heard stories about agents who curse, yell, and throw things at their assistants. As fun as that sounds, when it is unwelcome, it can break down a person’s good spirit.
Agencies are like fraternities; they do some heavy hazing before they let agent-hopefuls climb the ranks.
Although agents get away with a lot of bad behavior, there are lots of people like me who take note and would never give the brash ones my business.
One time, I was working in the entertainment legal department of a television network. Some young flunky lawyer who thought he was a hotshot agent was trying to play hardball with the old school attorney for whom I worked.
On behalf of the network, we were negotiating with the representatives of the actor for our television show pilot. Because the agreement is a seriously detailed seven-year binding contract between the actor and the network, often sensitive negotiations go right up until the audition time.
The actor is not allowed to audition if the agreement is not signed.
After weeks of negotiation, this nobody agent was still arguing over some silly detail for his nobody teenage actress, something like whether there would be one or two doors on her trailer. Whatever it was, it was a detail that the company didn’t allow to be changed even for big name actors. As the agent was busy making unrealistic demands over the phone, the strict audition time passed for the poor little girl who was sitting out in the lobby.
As this was a one-shot deal, another actress was chosen and the TV show went on to great success. Many years have passed since then. This sweet and talented actress, who was the number one choice for the show, never landed any other major roles because she had a cocky no-good agent.
After everyone had gone home, this guy calls me back and asks for the Vice President. I say, “She’s left for the day. The auditions are over. Your client missed it.”
The agent says to me, “You’re lying. Put your boss on the phone.”
Talk about dumb arrogance! What could I do? There was no boss to put on the phone. We weren’t playing games with him, like he was with us. Our group was a straight shootin’ bunch. We honestly did what we reasonably could for this actress.
When the rest of the legal team came back the next day, we all had a good laugh about this agent’s illusions of grandeur. Other lawyers had a few stories to share about him too. And I can tell you, I told all my friends in the industry to avoid dealing with this guy.
The day was done! The cast had already been selected for our TV show, and here’s this guy calling me a liar, and still trying to make demands. He had no idea how to do his job or what was the process.
A bad agent can ruin a person’s entire career. Sometimes, a golden opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
As a writer or actor, your name can be tarnished by those who represent you. You must choose wisely. Never be desperate about selecting your representation. Be confident that you are valuable and that you want to work with someone who is worthy of you. Keep in mind that any money you make from your hard work, your agent gets 10-20% of it. Don’t pick a jerk who doesn’t deserve it!
In this case, it was the perfect role for this girl and the director wanted her specifically. If your rep blows it for you — that’s it! Game over. We, at the network, all felt terrible for this young actress, but there was nothing we could do for her.
Being a dolt does not serve the agent or the client or anyone else involved. Rude behavior never wins.
You can play hardball with good manners. “No, I am sorry we cannot accept that offer. We want two doors and ten mirrors in the trailer. If you change your mind, call me. It has been a real pleasure negotiating with you.”
Before saying something like that, and before flushing a client’s career down the toilet for some extra doors and mirrors, agents and lawyers ought to do their homework. Find out whether your demands are realistic or not. Ask your co-workers at your agency.
In this agent’s case, plenty of his co-workers had done similar deals with our network. Asking a few people, he would have found out that even higher paid, more notable, actors had not received that for which he was demanding.
Not only did the young actress miss a huge opportunity, but also the agent/lawyer (he was some kind of crossbreed) lost out on his 15% of her money for the next seven years!
There are lots of other negative ways a client is seriously affected by their agent’s rude behavior, but legally, I can’t share that information. Just know that it is better for all parties to play it safe and be nice!
Choose representation that will reflect positively on you, someone who has your best interests in mind, not someone who is blowing air into his inflatable ego. When you are making money, the agent is making money. Sometimes, it seems like agents forget that.
ADVICE TO AGENTS AND LAWYERS:
Treat every person with respect.
Never make absurd accusations or demands.
Do your homework.
Say “please” and “thank you.”
Coffee: A Writer’s Best Friend
by Jaden
Woe was me when I stopped drinking coffee for a few years in my grand effort to be über-healthy. To heck with that!
Is coffee bad for you?
Coffee can cause mad-babbling, hyperactivity, anxiety, and suppress your appetite, from my personal studies.
The semi-official studies say (probably spearheaded by Starbuck’s): Coffee is supposed to be good for the liver; a nice counter-attack for that over-consumption of whiskey. Seems far-fetched to me, but they say several cups of coffee per day throughout a person’s life can reduce Alzheimer’s disease up to 60%; one cup a day shows no difference. Coffee possibly reduces the problems of Diabetes 2. A few cups a day supposedly keeps old people spry. I’ve heard that active brains are healthy, so maybe it has something to do with that.
The coffee warnings: People with blood pressure problems beware of coffee as the caffeine affects the heart. Pregnant woman might want to lay off of it. There is a very long unconfirmed list of illnesses that might be aggravated or triggered by coffee, but also might be from smoking or lack of veggies and exercise. Finally, coffee is a mild diuretic; to counter the need to run and make a poopy on a hot morning date, drink a glass of water.
Whatever you are drinking, eating or doing, you need to consider how it affects YOU; that’s the bottom line.
Espresso coffee derives from 1,500 chemical substances. Yikes! Research on bean growing, roasting, grinding, and packaging for the best flavor is a very expensive and intricate process, so when an entity gets it right, let’s clap our hands.
For strong rich coffee flavor, Italian brands rule the north western hemisphere. 
What is generally accepted as the best and most accessible coffee of Europe is Illy
The United States brands I prefer are Peet’s
In Hollywood, my favorite roaster is Urth Caffé on Melrose Avenue, a place full of scenesters and drop-dead gorgeous women. It is always annoyingly packed and therefore terrible for writing, though I still try. Eons ago, when it was less popular, I met some successful screenwriters there. The eggs are gawd-awful, but the coffee is the best in the city. Their specialty drinks are nips of heaven; I’m addicted to the Granita.
My favorite place in the world to drink coffee (usually they serve Illy) is in Paris. Any charming café will do. I just sit there for hours watching people and writing.
Trying every type of cheap coffee brewer from the regular ol’ pot, to a double espresso camping thingamajig, to a glass coffee press, my favorite is a recent purchase from Italy for $15, it is a stainless steal Class Bialetti
and screw on the top, you place it on the stove burner. This makes a kickin’ cup o’ joe.
When I received a fine gift of coffee beans from Seattle, I had to break down and buy a coffee grinder too. For freshness, taste, and strength, you can’t beat freshly ground coffee. After looking at about 30 products, I chose the Mr. Coffee Grinder with Chamber Maid
If coffee is your favorite flavor too, let me give you a breath-saving tip. Rinse your mouth with hydrogen peroxide one-to-one with water. Much cheaper and more efficient than mouthwash, it is only 99 cents a bottle, it whitens your teeth, kills bacteria, and freshens your breath. Brush your teeth and floss too. Take care of your filthy stinking coffee breath, you writer.
Please share your favorite coffee brands, tricks, and experience with us.
Take a Beating and Like It:
Accepting Criticism Gracefully
by Jaden
In whatever field you are writing, you will encounter negative feedback and constructive criticism — if you are lucky!
Some Internet writers put up a massive defense against negative comments on their posts. This steals the thunder of whatever it was they were saying. If the idea was mostly accurate, faithful readers will come to defend — let them duke it out on your behalf.
If the majority of readers are saying: “Hey buddy, you are way off base;” face it, majority rules: you blew it. Instead of battling to your death like a fool, be big enough to admit when you are wrong. If you can’t learn from your mistakes, you’re doomed to repeat them.
Whether you erred or not, you know you’ve made it big when people lambaste you in public forums. Be happy that you’re doing something right, otherwise no one would care.
When it comes to Hollywood, whether you are a screenwriter, filmmaker or actor, critics are scathing and industry professionals are insensitively aloof. Not polite or tactful as receptors of entertainment or in business dealings, the critics say more than is necessary, and industry professionals don’t tell you enough.
When you submit a script to a friend or stranger in the industry, blessed be the day you get feedback. Hollywood is Ignore City. Phone calls and emails go unanswered. What’s worse is that you don’t know if they ever read your material at all. Your Oscar winning script could have gone straight to the trash without a single eye ever glossing over it. Or maybe they did read it and thought it was so embarrassingly awful they decided to ignore you instead of doing the kind favor of explaining your shortcomings.
The few times a person cares enough to tell you where your writing or story fail (this goes for auditioning and acting too) — wooh-wee is that a horse pill to swallow!
Criticism is a compliment. You should be flattered. It means people care enough about you to say something. They see potential in you and think you can do better. Be thankful that people have taken time out of their day to help you succeed. Feedback is a great thing. Apply it to your life and your work the best you can.
To learn, expand, and grow, you need to be wrong sometimes.
My method of dealing with criticism goes like this:
What do you think of this? No, I like it my way better. I’m right. I’m right. I’m right. Oh. Ok. I see your point. Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I was being stubborn.
We all do it. We are all right. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes.
(Intelligent debates and jackass comments are welcome at my site.)
Bad Attitudes Will Sink You in Hollywood:
The Ingénue
by Jaden
One time, I worked with this actress on a terrible B-movie for over a month. 
We had to work with each other from 12 to 20 hours per day. She hardly said a single word to me, not even “hello” or “thank you.” When male actors sat with me at lunch, she called them to come sit with her. If a high level crew member like the AD or DP was talking to me, she would call them to come help her with something pathetic, like walking — not kidding.
When lower level crew asked her questions, she ignored them.
The crew nicknamed the film The (actress’s name) Witch Project.
One time between shots, two excited little girls on the street asked if they could take her picture. “I only give autographs,” she said. Autographs? Who needs her name scribbled on a napkin? Keep it and blow your snubby nose with it, lady.
To the lead actor and director, this actress was gushingly nice.
Just before this movie, the ingénue had starred in a film as Brad Pitt’s leading lady. She was on her way to being the next Gwyneth Paltrow or Angelina Jolie. She was equally pretty and as good of an actor, but by being unpleasant and ungrateful, the actress smudged out her future.
The ingénue’s career has been like amber fossilizing insects. Every film in which this woman has starred is a shelved artifact.
Bad attitudes cause negativity on the production set which transcends the film.
Happy casts and crews make box office hits!
At panel discussions with actors, writers, and directors, before Oscars are ever given, I can always tell who will win. The winners have a contagious positive spirit and speak kindly of each other.
Talking about how much fun they had and how hard they worked, the cast of Chicago
Be genuinely kind and appreciative if you want to succeed.
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