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In the Spotlight
Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Move to Hollywood
by Dirtbag
Put a bunch of rats in a small cage and what do you think happens?
photo credit: jurvetson
1) Los Angeles is rated number one as America’s “Most Polluted City” by Forbes.
2) You will have plenty of time to apply makeup, eat breakfast, read the newspaper, email your mom, and build your website while sitting in traffic driving to your job as Assistant to the Receptionist.
3) With 10,000,000 friendly people in Los Angeles, if one stabs you in the back you still have 9,999,999 to go.
4) Cost of living, gas, and homes are inflated, just like every woman’s breasts.
5) You like the sunshine? It never rains. Your brain will be in a drought, permanently.
The Agent Trap
by Jaden
Agents and lawyers have a bad rap for being megalomaniacs.
Just like in any group, the few extremists give the rest a bad name.
I have heard stories about agents who curse, yell, and throw things at their assistants. As fun as that sounds, when it is unwelcome, it can break down a person’s good spirit.
Agencies are like fraternities; they do some heavy hazing before they let agent-hopefuls climb the ranks.
Although agents get away with a lot of bad behavior, there are lots of people like me who take note and would never give the brash ones my business.
One time, I was working in the entertainment legal department of a television network. Some young flunky lawyer who thought he was a hotshot agent was trying to play hardball with the old school attorney for whom I worked.
On behalf of the network, we were negotiating with the representatives of the actor for our television show pilot. Because the agreement is a seriously detailed seven-year binding contract between the actor and the network, often sensitive negotiations go right up until the audition time.
The actor is not allowed to audition if the agreement is not signed.
After weeks of negotiation, this nobody agent was still arguing over some silly detail for his nobody teenage actress, something like whether there would be one or two doors on her trailer. Whatever it was, it was a detail that the company didn’t allow to be changed even for big name actors. As the agent was busy making unrealistic demands over the phone, the strict audition time passed for the poor little girl who was sitting out in the lobby.
As this was a one-shot deal, another actress was chosen and the TV show went on to great success. Many years have passed since then. This sweet and talented actress, who was the number one choice for the show, never landed any other major roles because she had a cocky no-good agent.
After everyone had gone home, this guy calls me back and asks for the Vice President. I say, “She’s left for the day. The auditions are over. Your client missed it.”
The agent says to me, “You’re lying. Put your boss on the phone.”
Talk about dumb arrogance! What could I do? There was no boss to put on the phone. We weren’t playing games with him, like he was with us. Our group was a straight shootin’ bunch. We honestly did what we reasonably could for this actress.
When the rest of the legal team came back the next day, we all had a good laugh about this agent’s illusions of grandeur. Other lawyers had a few stories to share about him too. And I can tell you, I told all my friends in the industry to avoid dealing with this guy.
The day was done! The cast had already been selected for our TV show, and here’s this guy calling me a liar, and still trying to make demands. He had no idea how to do his job or what was the process.
A bad agent can ruin a person’s entire career. Sometimes, a golden opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
As a writer or actor, your name can be tarnished by those who represent you. You must choose wisely. Never be desperate about selecting your representation. Be confident that you are valuable and that you want to work with someone who is worthy of you. Keep in mind that any money you make from your hard work, your agent gets 10-20% of it. Don’t pick a jerk who doesn’t deserve it!
In this case, it was the perfect role for this girl and the director wanted her specifically. If your rep blows it for you — that’s it! Game over. We, at the network, all felt terrible for this young actress, but there was nothing we could do for her.
Being a dolt does not serve the agent or the client or anyone else involved. Rude behavior never wins.
You can play hardball with good manners. “No, I am sorry we cannot accept that offer. We want two doors and ten mirrors in the trailer. If you change your mind, call me. It has been a real pleasure negotiating with you.”
Before saying something like that, and before flushing a client’s career down the toilet for some extra doors and mirrors, agents and lawyers ought to do their homework. Find out whether your demands are realistic or not. Ask your co-workers at your agency.
In this agent’s case, plenty of his co-workers had done similar deals with our network. Asking a few people, he would have found out that even higher paid, more notable, actors had not received that for which he was demanding.
Not only did the young actress miss a huge opportunity, but also the agent/lawyer (he was some kind of crossbreed) lost out on his 15% of her money for the next seven years!
There are lots of other negative ways a client is seriously affected by their agent’s rude behavior, but legally, I can’t share that information. Just know that it is better for all parties to play it safe and be nice!
Choose representation that will reflect positively on you, someone who has your best interests in mind, not someone who is blowing air into his inflatable ego. When you are making money, the agent is making money. Sometimes, it seems like agents forget that.
ADVICE TO AGENTS AND LAWYERS:
Treat every person with respect.
Never make absurd accusations or demands.
Do your homework.
Say “please” and “thank you.”
Scariest Horror Films of All Time
by Jaden
What do you do when a stranger calls on Halloween, says her name is Carrie, she’s from Texas, she auditioned for your film last summer, and she’s been dreaming about you ever since?
Hang up!
1999, Ôdishon (aka Audition)
Audition was one movie I did not have to see. This Japanese film was unforgettably unsettling. A nice man loses his wife many years earlier and is encouraged by his son and sleazy friend to start dating again. The sleazy friend sets up a fake film audition where the nice man finds the talented pretty Yamazaki Asami. The young woman, who was abused as a child, tortures the man in ways that are unbearable to watch. Novel by Ryû Murakami, Daisuke Tengan wrote the screenplay.
1979, When a Stranger Calls
As a young child, I saw the original When a Stranger Calls. The majority of the film is not gory, but the suspense and real time of the movie sure make going to sleep difficult. Written by Steve Feke and Fred Walton, the story is: the kids are in bed sleeping while the babysitter receives scary menacing phone calls. This one hit a little too close to home. Forever in my head, I will hear that creepy voice asking, “Have you checked the children?”
1974, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When I was a kid, this was rumored to be a true story. Apparently, it is loosely based on the real crimes of Ed Gein, a real life killer who also inspired the movie Psycho. Deviant: The Shocking True Story of Ed Gein, the Original Psycho
1976, Carrie
This is the kind of scary movie all kids should be forced to watch. A high school girl has magick powers and does terrible things to people when they are mean to her. Like a Disney movie, Carrie teaches a good lesson: be nice to your classmates. Novel written by Stephen King, screenplay was adapted for screen by Lawrence D. Cohen.
1984, A Nightmare on Elm Street
For horror film ideas, Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street is genius. Freddy Krueger is a phenomenon who comes to kill you in your nightmares. My childhood friends and I pondered endlessly: Would you die in real life if you died in your dream? It was the big question. We all have had dreams about dying, but no one ever hits the ground! When good ol’ Freddy started entering my dreams at night, that was it, the end of my horror film parade.
What horror films traumatized you?
Bad Attitudes Will Sink You in Hollywood:
The Ingénue
by Jaden
One time, I worked with this actress on a terrible B-movie for over a month. 
We had to work with each other from 12 to 20 hours per day. She hardly said a single word to me, not even “hello” or “thank you.” When male actors sat with me at lunch, she called them to come sit with her. If a high level crew member like the AD or DP was talking to me, she would call them to come help her with something pathetic, like walking — not kidding.
When lower level crew asked her questions, she ignored them.
The crew nicknamed the film The (actress’s name) Witch Project.
One time between shots, two excited little girls on the street asked if they could take her picture. “I only give autographs,” she said. Autographs? Who needs her name scribbled on a napkin? Keep it and blow your snubby nose with it, lady.
To the lead actor and director, this actress was gushingly nice.
Just before this movie, the ingénue had starred in a film as Brad Pitt’s leading lady. She was on her way to being the next Gwyneth Paltrow or Angelina Jolie. She was equally pretty and as good of an actor, but by being unpleasant and ungrateful, the actress smudged out her future.
The ingénue’s career has been like amber fossilizing insects. Every film in which this woman has starred is a shelved artifact.
Bad attitudes cause negativity on the production set which transcends the film.
Happy casts and crews make box office hits!
At panel discussions with actors, writers, and directors, before Oscars are ever given, I can always tell who will win. The winners have a contagious positive spirit and speak kindly of each other.
Talking about how much fun they had and how hard they worked, the cast of Chicago
Be genuinely kind and appreciative if you want to succeed.
Malicious Content: Gossipmongers and the Paparazzi
by Jaden
The media has massacred all that was charming, exciting, and glamorous about Hollywood.
Today’s press makes me sick; they have snuffed out the allure of entertainers, making them impotent at their job to fascinate.
I want to watch a movie and not think about how the actor had a booger hanging out of her nose at Coffee Bean. I want to believe in a character and not know about the actor’s real sexual history. I want to fall in love with a story and not be distracted by the actor’s personal life.
Watching TV with an actress friend of mine, a news clip came up about a new law to try to protect celebrities from the paparazzi. They showed aerial footage of photographers running into traffic and sticking their cameras up against the car windows of Britney Spears. She couldn’t see the road or drive. The cameramen looked like blood-sucking mosquitoes. It was disgusting. My friend added that she too once almost drove over a gang of stalker photographers because they just ran right out in front of her car while she was driving. Too bad she didn’t flatten a few of ‘em and make the world a safer place.
These stalkers with an apparatus give photography a bad name. It is not freedom of the press; it is a creep with a mental illness. The press are invited to premieres and official places where they are welcome to take pictures. Trespassing on private property, stalking, and violating traffic laws are illegal acts.
Wasn’t the death of Princess Di enough? It has only gotten worse since then. Hey, let’s see how many celebrities we can murder with our cameras. BONK!
Worship and envy combine to kill.
These things exist because the public pays for it. The public pays for the pictures. The public pays for the news about whose armpits stink. The public makes this happen and they need to realize that as long as they are buying, as long as the demand is there, the goods will be supplied.
To me, our society has degenerated into something ignoble. When we should be advancing, we are digressing.
Let entertainers do their job and entertain. If you want to voice your opinion about the quality of their work, go right ahead, but why pick apart every little detail about them that you hate? Hate and envy are ugly.
To endanger lives for a stupid picture is an embarrassment to our society. Why do you care whether they wipe their babies’ butts? Or buy coffee? Or eat? Or drive? Or get in arguments with their spouses? Of course they do! They are human beings.
Why are people so hell bent on breaking down and destroying others more successful than themselves? One should be inspired and feel hopeful by viewing others’ success, not held back and angry by it.
All someone else’s success means is that you can do it too. Everything is possible. You don’t have to be a beauty queen or have an operatic voice; success is available to everyone. There are endless examples of hugely imperfect people who have excelled to great heights. You just have to find the right niche for youself.
“That’s what they get. I don’t feel sorry for them.” 
Several different people have said this to me about celebrities having to deal with the paparazzi.
Why do entertainers deserve it? Because they enjoy performing for you? They deserve a bunch of creepy people harassing them day and night? What is the logic in that?
Acting and singing are jobs, and I am telling you from first-hand experience, they are a lot harder (and more fun) than sitting in a cubicle. Can you memorize 120 pages and deliver each line with believable emotion? Can you handle auditioning for years, several times a day, and deal with the endless rejections? Can you stand on a stage, dance, and sing in front of thousands of people or two strangers? If you think celebrities deserve it because you are envious of what they do, you ought to move to Hollywood, give it a try, and see how easy it is not.
When you hear about their salaries, take into consideration that half that amount goes to the government in taxes. The more money you make, the more they take. The next chunk of it (about 25-40%) goes to their representation: agents, lawyers, and publicists. They are then left with maybe 10-20% of that enormous sum. With that, they have to pay for food, home, and family, just like everyone else. On top of that, they have to pay for clothes, make-up, and whatever else so that they look fabulous when the paparazzi catches them off guard. Taking the expensive location of Hollywood into consideration, celebrities are not as rich or glamorous as you might think.
Briefly, I was an organ in the beast, but I could only go to so many red carpet functions and ask celebrities so many personal or trite questions about their face lotions, pets, and marital plans. It was humiliating. I wanted to ask respectable questions about the film and their role in it, but for that information, I was not being paid.
There is a difference between what is news, what is a critique, and what is malicious gossip.
“The movie tanked at the box office,” is news.
“The movie sucked,” is a critique.
“The actress looked fat,” is gossip.
A nude photo up a woman’s skirt is illegal.
One is informative. Two is an opinion. Three and four are simply malicious and creepy.
Some positive respectful movie-lover sites focused on news and opinion are:
For a fresh raging backlash at the catty press by Mystery Man on Film, click to read this excellent piece about 2008 Oscar winning screenwriter Diablo Cody.
Are you a malicious consumer?
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